Ego is the proverbial two-edged sword. Can’t live with it; can’t live without it. But if ever I’ve seen something get in the way of someone’s success, myself included, its failure to understand and manage our ego.
Ego is our inner voice; that voice in our head that speaks to us continually. It’s our consciousness, which most immediately controls our thoughts and behaviors, and is most in touch with external reality.
Ego is both good and evil. On the negative side, ego shuts us off from listening and learning. Ego drives us to make decisions that are not in the best interest of our whole. Ego causes us to react to stimuli in negative and sometimes very self-destructive ways. Ego gets us into trouble.
On the softer side, we experience the negative of ego often in group settings. You know this well, as I’m sure you’ve experienced a meeting participant who has something to say about everything. It appears that these individuals are self-possessed to tell stories of their own success. They rarely listen to the wisdom of others. They’re often in a “one-up” mode; having to beat your story with theirs. Peel back the layers of these ego-centric individuals and you’ll often find trouble. But these individual’s ego won’t allow them to see it or to seek help from others.
Have you EVER walked into a team meeting and said to your team; “I don’t know how to solve this problem.” Can you show your vulnerability to your employees; your friends; your family? I believe that the ability to be open about challenges; to trust those around you by being vulnerable; is the true test of whether one’s ego is in the right place.
It’s OK to have a strong ego; it’s doubtful that one can be truly successful without it. But a leader must lead; and a manager must manage. To do so, I believe that it’s equally important to show strength by showing that you need the help of others.
This concept is summarized for me in what’s become known as the Stockdale Paradox. James Stockdale (Ross Perot’s VP running-mate) was the highest ranking POW during the Vietnam War. His seven-year captivity was particularly brutal; he was locked in leg irons in the equivalent of a bath stall, where he was severely tortured. To maintain a positive attitude towards his eventual release, Stockdale resolved:
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Stockdale communicated confidence to his team that, eventually, they would be released. At the same time, he communicated the reality of their situation. It was that ability to balance resolve with reality that kept them alive.
Keep your ego in its proper place and use it sparingly.
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